TWO FOR TUGGER IN TIGGERTOWN
Venue - Royal Ashdown Forest / East Sussex
Winner - Tom Gange
Runner-up - Ufaq Qazi
Hound - Tom Heywood
It was the second weekend of May 2023. It was time for the 13th Jacket. Founding Jacketeer, but first time Jacket commissioner, Harry Gray had taken the brave, bold, courageous and brave again step of mixing up the format of the greatest invitation only major championship in handicap adjusted West Country golf. Other words he used to describe this move included audacious, pioneering and genius. Others had used words including sensible and underwhelming. The change? Teeing off on Friday instead of Saturday. The reason? Bringing prestige level non-resort courses with Friday society deal availability into the Jacket fold.
And so it was that the competitors descended on Royal Ashdown Forest Golf Club, to play both the West and Old courses, whilst hopefully catching a glimpse of much loved and finely jibbed Ashdown Forest residents Winnie the Pooh, Tigger and Christopher Robin. It is a little known fact that Tigger played off +6 at one point, but was never allowed to compete at professional level, on account of him being a fictional tiger. Such was his fictional golfing prowess, however, that he was almost certainly the inspiration for the nicknaming of a certain Eldrick "Tiger" Woods and is widely considered to own Ashdown Forest from a golfing perspective akin to Jack Nicklaus' affiliation with Muirfield "Jack's Place" Village , hence the Americans rather vulagarly referring to it as "Tiggertown", much to the disdain of the membership.
Once the micro drama and pram-toy-evacuation that followed Ed Green's "no trolleys lads" bantzouncement had simmered down, the players gathered in the opulent yet cosy clubhouse parlour to greet each other and enquire as to whether everyone was alright. Everyone was very alright indeed as they tucked into their pre-round sustenance including bacon sandwiches, coffee and twin pairs of Guinness. Wigglesworth Snr's legendary tuck shop made a franchised appearance, offering a selection of snack sized chocolate and biscuit based hunger solutions to enjoy and provide golf fuel out on the course.
The Ladies Captain offered a splendid welcome and cut the ribbon on the 13th Jacket, seeing the players away and onto the West Course. The Members Award was taken by Nick Bell, for a gloriously struck fairway bisector. It was business time.
The West Course proved a reasonable test, with its tight tree lined fairways proving predictably tricky to find. Tom Gange sent shockwaves through the field and surged up the leaderboard with a hole out eagle on the 5th for a mega 5 points. Whilst no one can win The Jacket on the Friday, Ufaq Qazi set about his front 9 seemingly aiming to prove that you can win The Hound on Friday. His front 9 total of 8 points a sorry return from the man from Burnley and Australia. The 18th hole was playing into the wind and was an absolute beast, taking many a fine scalp that morning, including those of Ufaq Qazi (NR blob), Andrew Macallister (NR blob), Tom Heywood (NR blob), Tom Gange (9), Nicholas Bell (8), Matthew Johnson (7), Edward Green (7) and Chris Hough (7). It was Will Rowe and Harry Gray who shared the first round lead with 33 points, but the field was quite compact, with many a threat lurking just behind. Those lurking included Edward Bell (30), Chris Chesterman (30), Tom Wigglesworth (29), Tom Gange (29) and Tim Brewster (29).
After a hearty lasagne based lunch, it was time for round 2. Antiquated club rules dictated that it would be 2 balls in the afternoon on the Old Course. With no bunkers to be seen, the main defence of the Old Course was just generally being quite difficult in a rather non-specific way. The views across Ashdown Forest from the high point of the course were amongst the finest seen in Jacket history. The view from the top of the leaderboard, however, was too much for commissioner Harry Gray, who after a promising start to round 2, proceeded to pull-hooker his way to a fall from grace, like a young Hugh Grant, as he fell into mid pack mediocrity, alongside George Vaughan. Will Rowe followed a similar path, capitulating on the back nine after a solid front nine total of 16. The best rounds of the afternoon were golfed by brother-in-law and single supplement high roller duo, Douglas Albon (38) and Brook McLaughlin (37), closely followed by brother-in-birth duo, Richard (35) and Tom (33) Gange. Ufaq Qazi redeemed himself after his horror morning front 9 with an impressive 35 points on the first 17 holes of the Old Course including a par laden back nine. Unfortunately, he then attempted to de-redeem himself with a club burying tirade on the 18th fairway following a lost ball up the left, resulting in an ugly blob and a subsequent verbal ear clipping for Andrew Macallister for comments made in the bar. Was this the end of Qazi's quest for a famous inter-continental Jacket victory?
Following some brief yet vigorous post round refreshment, the players made their way to East Sussex National, which was to play host to the merry gang whilst also providing a golf course upon which the final round of the 13th Jacket would be contested. The aptly named West Course would be that course.
The hound pack teed off, tails down, each player hoping to avoid the honour of the ugliest prize in handicap adjusted major championship West Country golf. Finally the leaders set off and it was business time yet again, but this time there was even more business to be done and the time to do it was not in traditional business hours, as it was Saturday morning. The final round was so intense and so long ago at the time of writing, that memories of it are blurry and indistinct. However, the cream slowly rose to the top and Gamebook onlookers were treated to an epic tussle, featuring Tom Wigglesworth, Martin Jeffers, Tom Gange and a re-de-redeemed Ufaq Qazi who was charging through the field like a thundering Wildebeest, hot on the heels of the leaders. Other memorable yet detail-lite moments that occurred either before or after this point in the narrative included Rich Gange bagging the Bilbo with a very long putt, Matthew Johnson collecting the Big Dig long drive award from way Downtown and Tom Wigglesworth hitting a fabulous approach into one of the pars 3s, most likely the 6th on the Old Course the day before, to snatch The Pinseeker. Wigglesworth and Jeffers pushed hard on the front 9, but couldn't maintain the momentum down the stretch. Qazi was relentless, eventually getting in the hutch with a tremendous 39 points to take the clubhouse lead. Depending on whether he was checking Gamebook or not, Gange either knew exactly what he needed to do, or had absolutely no idea. Either way, he knuckled down, stepped up, put his foot down and started taking the back nine down to China Town.
Meanwhile, the Hound Pack had limped in, still praying for an abject collapse from a mid table mediocrity merchant, like a George Vaughan. Sadly it wasn't to be and Tom Heywood was confirmed as The Hound. He battled with honour and determination, but ultimately couldn't quite play to the level required, with the world golf handicap system formula arguably more culpable than him in securing the most unwanted of prizes. However, he did it with a smile on his face and with much teal in his colour palate and for that, he had the respect of most of his peers. All of them actually, except known teal hate merchant, Tom Gange. Was his joy in the downfall of his Tealy namesake fuelling his charge?
With the group assembled on the natural amphitheatre around the 18th green, tension was high as the final group teed off. Tom Gange was last to go. Gripping his club using hands powered by his trademark massive forearms, he skillfully manipulated that forearm-club axis to unleash a cold blooded drive straight down the middle. A sensible long right green miss left a fiddly down hill chip which he deftly played with the metaphorical nerve of a Champion to be, suppressing the power of the literal massive forearms mentioned above, to feather the ball gently down the slope. Two putts for The Jacket. He probably thought, "if you've got two, take two", probably chuckling to himself at the thought that this is what Paul McGinley always says during commentary of similarly monumental moments, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the viewership have heard him say it a million times before and therefore can't take him seriously. Very similar in fact, but less relevant to trying to putt out for The Jacket, to McGinley saying, every single time, that being in the semi-rough will make it harder to control the spin on wedge approaches.
Two putts later Tom's massive forearms were raised aloft. He'd done it. He'd won The Jacket again. The gallery applauded with adulation on their faces and glee in their hearts. As the noise died down, a faint rustle was heard in the forest nearby. Players swear they saw an orange and black tail boinging stealthily away in the direction of Royal Ashdown Forest. Whatever it was, there was a definite sense of magic in the air. It was two for Tugger In Tiggertown.
